I wear black because I’m tough. I wear an oversized hoodie because I’m a badass. I wear my jeans low at the crotch because it is a sign of physical dominance.

Yet no one in Philly seems to view me as a threat of danger.

I went to drop off my lease application at the real estate office today, which is on the 22nd floor of a downtown office building. The security guard took one look at me, smirked as I signed in, and said “go on up.” He didn’t even ask where I was goin’ on up to.

22nd floor, bitches. Allan Domb Real Estate. We hardcore.

There are also security guards at our apartment building. At least here, Lisa informed them of my presence, and that I was allowed to come and go. Yet, I there has not been one wary glance of scrutinization. No one has checked for ID or even asked which floor I need.

They just let me walk on by. I could be carrying a glock in my briefcase, or even nunchucks.

In fact, I did start carrying around my pocket knife, just in case I run into Michael Jackson in a dark alley and get in a pocket knife fight.

But nobody even thinks to pat me down. They treat me like Pat Boone’s goody two shoes cousin Stacy Boone. 

Just this morning one of the security guards, Tim, who I hadn’t seen since last summer, remembered me from when I helped Lisa move in.

He goes, “Your name is Dan, right?”

“No, Nick.”

“Oh that’s right! I was just telling Curtis the other day what a nice guy you are.”

Great, the security guards think I am a nice guy. What must everyone else think? I’m Anne of the Green freakin’ Gables?

I’m hardcore, dammit!

Whatever. I did take this pretty picture this afternoon.

 

UNDER ARMOUR

I snuck into the Wharton School of Business today to catch a lecture from Kevin Plank, founder and CEO of Under Armour. Well, I didn’t so much as sneak in, as I just walked in and sat down.

He was pretty good. He had cool videos.

But while I sat there and listened, and actually took notes, I noticed the students around me were slowly nodding off.

I tried to feel a little superior, like, “Look at all these smart ivy league eggheads, sleeping through a billionaire’s speech, while me and my public education sit in rapt attention.”

To prove that I paid attention, here are some of the notes I took:

Plank bases his business off of three principles – passion, vision and people. And his business motto is “to build the biggest, baddest brand on the planet.”

And he has four other business principles: build a great product, tell a great story, service the business and build a great team.

And then he had another PowerPoint slide that said this: “We have not yet built our defining product as a brand.”

Hell, I could go to this school. Or at least sleep in to 10, watch “Pregnant at 16” for a couple of hours then show up to a lecture I wasn’t invited to, while these students stay up til 4 a.m. cramming for a macro test while at the same time writing a 10-page paper on marketing.

But hey! I spend a whole half-hour writing this half-assed blog! This is a lot of work!